Sue sipped her morning Americano and flinched as the liquid stung her lips. Her tongue instinctively flicked out to soothe the burning sensation away. She blew across the surface of the coffee and became momentarily lost in the tiny ripples that resembled miniature furrows in a field of fertile earth.

A light touch on her shoulder brought her back to the office. It was Simon, a fellow Recruitment Consultant who sat at the neighbouring desk. He was clutching her telephone receiver.

‘Are you OK, Sue?’ he enquired with a sympathetic smile. ‘Call for you: Nate.’

She took a deep breath and returned the smile. ‘Thanks. Yep, I’m fine. Sorry, miles away.’ She took the receiver and watched Simon return to his computer before speaking into the phone.

‘Hi Nathan.’

‘Sue. How are you doing?’

‘Me? Oh I’m alright.’

‘And Andy?’

‘Not bad I suppose, considering,’ she said, scratching her pen absentmindedly across a pad.

‘I thought he’d been given a clean bill of health? Why the gloom?’ Nate replied.

She leaned back in her chair and swung away from Simon who was not being very subtle in his attempts to eavesdrop.

‘Well… oh I don’t know, it’s probably nothing,’ she said. ‘I’m just being silly.’

‘Come on Sue, what is it?’

‘It’s nothing, honestly, he just had a bit of a funny turn yesterday, that’s all.’

‘In what way?’

She noticed that the office had grown eerily quiet and the tapping of keys from Simon’s desk had ceased. Lowering her voice, she hunched forwards trying to prevent anything coherent escaping the telephone.

‘Look, Nate, I’ll tell you at lunch, OK?’

‘We’re still on then?’

‘Yep, see you at one.’

‘Great; Luca’s?’

‘Luca’s.’

She heard the key tapping recommence as she gently replaced the receiver. No doubt Simon would update the office on the latest turn of events at lunchtime but she didn’t care, she had a life-changing situation to work out. She’d deal with the prick later.

Was she right to speak to Nate? She felt slightly guilty that she hadn’t mentioned to Andrew she was meeting with him today, but then again, the predicament she found herself in definitely called for another point of view.

Nate was well placed to advise on all things Andrew as he was his oldest friend, but it was a gamble because he was often an immature idiot who didn’t always take things seriously; a trait that reminded her of Andrew in many ways. Sadly she was all out of ideas and because this was of unique importance, a second opinion from someone who knew Andrew as well as she did would be a real comfort. And anyway, Nate was always keen to see her and they had always got on well. In fact, he could be quite charming on the odd occasion.

She flexed her slender ‘pianist fingers’, as her father used to call them, and tucked some loose hair behind her ears. She could remember the terrible surprise when she spotted her first grey hair. It was just after her thirtieth birthday, almost as if the Gods had decided that that was quite enough of that, time to face the beginning of the end. Fortunately, Andrew had his first sprouting of silvery strands in his twenties, which had a funny way of tempering any sarcastic comments that would have otherwise come her way. Annoyingly, however, the grey actually seemed to improve his looks, or so she thought. In her case, she would have to seriously think about dyeing her hair for the first time in her life.

Sue yawned and stared blankly at a C.V. on the computer monitor, gently knocking the mouse to prevent the screen saver kicking in. Andrew’s recent development of night terrors had been disturbing her sleep enough to counteract the energy boost she gained from her early morning runs. There was no doubt it was a stressful time; a culmination of all the issues surrounding Andrew. And that was before the accident.

Andrew hadn’t mentioned anything about what happened the night before the hit and run. She was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt during his time in hospital as it wasn’t a surprise to the doctors that he was suffering some selective amnesia. However, she was hoping that his full memory would have returned by now, especially as he could recall some parts of the accident. But Andrew seemed to have remembered nothing of their fight; the fight that made her feel sick even now.

She felt torn. On the one hand, she was desperate for him to remember without any interference from her so he could fully appreciate what happened and they could move on, but on the other; was he in a fit state to deal with it? It was tearing her up, and she grew ever more frightened of the strengthening urge to give in, to curl up into a ball, and sleep, in the forlorn hope that it would all simply go away.

She shook her head as if trying to fling the dark thoughts from her brain. Jesus, what would Mum think? Being daft, probably. She allowed herself a wistful smile and reached up into the air, stretching the muscles of her upper back. Enough, life goes on.

‘So, funny turn?’ asked Nate. Sue, who’d just taken a bite of tuna pizza, exaggerated her chewing for his benefit.

‘Oh, sorry Sue. Take your time.’

They were in Luca’s, one of her favourite haunts. Half-restaurant, half-café, it was run by an Italian family, several generations of whom appeared to be employed in various positions including host, chef, waiter, and waitress. The odd improvisation when orders were taken and seamless switching to roles totally unrelated to food, such as stand-up comic or opera singer, was commonplace.

And as always, it was packed. Fully immersed in deep debate, their fellow customers were animated. All clothed in black or grey, with dazzling white starched shirts sporadically bursting into view, the interior of Luca’s resembled the undulations of an angry sea. For time immemorial, the office buildings in the immediate vicinity spewed out their employees as soon as it hit midday to descend on the restaurant in one heaving mass. Reservations were a must.

Sue washed her mouthful down with a gulp of mineral water before speaking. Was this such a good idea after all? Was this something Nate could handle? She surveyed the man opposite for any sign that this might be a mistake.

Nate was a handsome man. His height of over six foot and naturally stocky build made him physically imposing, which, supported by limitless confidence, meant he carried quite a presence. He was dressed impeccably, wearing a coal-grey suit, lined with subtle pin-stripes. He had tucked his silver tie into his white shirt to keep it from getting covered in tomato sauce. With his well-groomed short, dark hair that glistened under the restaurant lights, deep set dark brown eyes, and a prominent jawbone that was blanketed by carefully shaped day-old stubble, she could see why he attracted the opposite sex without much difficulty. He was not her cup of tea of course; not only because of his pungent aftershave, which she could smell from her side of the table, or for his sometimes overbearing cockiness, but also because for some reason, she had always felt drawn to weaker, dare she say, more feeble-looking men. She had often wondered why this was, especially since Andrew fell into this rather harshly defined category, and always came to the same conclusion: based on her experience, overly-confident men seemed to have shallower depths. Whether that was true across the board was up for debate, but in her opinion, Nate was a leading example of this thesis.

However, her desperate need for advice outweighed her doubts about Nate so she’d have to hope that he could prove her wrong and demonstrate that he was capable of acting like an adult. She resumed her story.

‘It happened yesterday; he can’t remember smashing a glass,’ she stated.

‘A glass?’ Nate replied with a smirk. ‘Is that it?’

‘Oh never mind. That isn’t what worries me so much anyway. Nate, there is something I need to speak with you about.’

The urgency of her voice achieved the desired effect as Nate leaned forward.

‘What is it?’ he asked softly.

‘Promise me you won’t say a word to Andrew?’ she replied, taking care to set the right tone. ‘This isn’t something I’d usually bandy about and in all honesty I’ve not entirely convinced myself that I should tell you. But you see, you’ve known him for longer than me so I thought I’d get your opinion.’

‘Sue, I want to help, I won’t say a word,’ replied Nate. His response seemed genuine enough, and there was even a sense of eagerness to it. ‘Come on, surely you know that, right? So, what’s up?’

‘Well, Andrew and I had a row the night before the accident.’

‘Oh?’

‘Look, we’ve had our fair share of verbal tit-for-tats, like everyone I suppose, but this time was different. This was a really mighty argument.’

‘A mighty argument? Jeez, I’ve always loved the way you speak,’ replied Nate as he fell back into this chair and hurriedly took a sip of his drink. His confident answer bore no reflection of what his body was telling her.

‘God, I knew this would be a mistake,’ she said, after shaking off a sense of confusion. She pushed the almost untouched pizza to one side and began to get up. Nate grabbed her arm and pulled her back into the seat, while glancing around nervously.

‘Hold on,’ he said, regaining his composure. ‘I’m sorry. I’m just joking.’

‘Yes. Well don’t.’

‘OK, OK. So, the argument, what was it about?’

‘I can’t remember how it started,’ she said. ‘And to be honest, it doesn’t really matter. The important thing is this: it had been building up for quite a while. You see, Andrew and I have not had the best of times recently. The last few months have been… difficult.’

‘Difficult?’

Sue’s eyes moved from the wall up to the ceiling as she attempted to avoid engaging those of Nate, which were currently boring into her.

‘OK here it is: I know all of this will sound pathetically insignificant to you, and believe me, I never thought in a million years that I’d feel so strongly about it, but the simple fact is that I have this overwhelming urge to settle down. I’m desperate to settle somewhere other than London. Somewhere green; somewhere I can, you know, get married, raise a family. I’ve long thought it was a natural progression for me and Andrew.’

She paused for a second, searching for words that could adequately describe Andrew’s long-held position in their long-running soap opera. ‘Sadly, Andrew doesn’t seem to be quite as keen to grow up.’

‘He’s opposed then?’ asked Nate in a hushed tone.

‘It’s never that clear-cut with him. Before the accident, we’d been having arguments on and off for a while, usually triggered by something trivial…’

‘As with the majority of disputes the world over,’ stated Nate.

‘Quite. Anyway, the arguments would escalate and would almost always end up with us going over the same old ground. I’d ask him when he was going to propose, when we’d get out of the city, when he’d bloody well grow some balls and commit to me; that sort of thing.’

‘And how did he usually respond?’

‘He didn’t, really. Well, nothing would ever come of it. Sometimes he would tell me that he’d sort it next year, you know, put it off. But more recently he’d simply ignore me and walk away, usually slamming the door behind him. Fun times,’ she said, raising her eyebrows.

‘You see,’ she continued, after briefly pinching her nose with a napkin. ‘The arguments became a never-ending cycle; relentless. But it was the Tuesday before Andrew was knocked down when everything exploded.’

Nate sipped his water, transfixed.

‘Right from the beginning though, this time somehow felt different. This time it grew exponentially nastier by the second. He rarely yells at me, but my God, that night he reached new levels. I’ve never heard him shout so loudly, so aggressively.’

‘Did it turn violent?’

‘No… no of course not…’ she replied, slightly flustered to see Nate’s knuckles turn white as he gripped the sides of the table. ‘Well not on Andrew’s part anyway. I may have thrown a few slaps but Andrew is not like that; he will never be like that.’

‘So what happened?’

‘OK, so… yes… we were shouting at each other and I made the mistake of bringing up the age-old topic of marriage, and we fell into the familiar routine. He started coming out with stuff like “I’m never going to marry you if you keep hassling me, we’re still young, there’s plenty of time, why the rush?” etc. etc. And then… well, then I stupidly brought up his parents.’

‘Oh.’

‘I was so angry, Nate, you must understand. I just wondered if his continual objections was the manifestation of something psychological festering from their deaths. That was when he went berserk.’

She deftly guided her little finger into the corner of her eyes, finding it tougher to remain composed. She glanced at her table companion. His eyes were locked on her; she was sure he hadn’t blinked since her story started.

‘We traded personal insults, almost as though the deep-seated unconscious thoughts and feelings were freed to erupt to the surface. He started talking about my Mum, and it was then that I think we both knew that lines had been crossed, and I realised, that if it wasn’t him, if it wasn’t some psychological trauma, then it must be me. It must be that he simply doesn’t want to be with me.’

Nate reached forward with his right hand, almost touching hers, and then quickly withdrew it.

‘So I told him that I’d had enough,’ she continued, sniffing. ‘I was tired, and I simply couldn’t wait any longer. I stormed off to the bedroom and hastily packed a case. I wasn’t in the best frame of mind then and I packed some strange bits and pieces I can tell you.’

Nate fell back against his chair, silent.

‘Anyway, the upshot of it all was that I left the flat vowing never to see him again and telling him that the past thirteen years had been a complete waste of everyone’s time,’ Sue wiped her eyes. ‘I regret saying that. Even then I knew it wasn’t true. But you must understand that this had been building up over months and months and at that moment I was so exhausted, so drained that it felt like all my options had run dry. It wasn’t just a simple case of me leaving on a whim; it had been coming for a long time.’

Nate shifted in his seat and took a deep breath. ‘Shit… I… er… had no idea.’

‘It’s all right, we’ve kept our troubles largely to ourselves, you know, put on a brave face and all that.’

‘I’m so… sorry,’ he stammered, suddenly putting his head in his hands.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ she replied, slightly puzzled. ‘Nate?’

‘If only you had told me,’ he said, after a brief pause. ‘If only you had told me.’

‘Nate, I don’t think there was an awful lot you could have done,’ she said, topping up the water in her glass, and leaving him to his thoughts. He was Andrew’s best friend and he would be upset for him. She lost the niggling sense of disquiet as fast as it had arrived, pulled out her make-up mirror from her handbag and went about fixing her hair. As she found a suitable home for some stray hairs, she broke the silence with a soft chuckle that bore no hint of humour.

‘You know what Nate? That is not the half of it. In fact, if only it were that easy.’

Nate’s eyes were fixed on the tablecloth in front of him.

‘You see, if only that was the end of the story. If only I had left him and that was it. The morning afterwards I resolved to pick myself up, I thought the worst was over. But it was later that night when I got the call from the hospital. They told me that Andrew had been in a road accident and his condition was unstable and deteriorating. It’s funny because in hindsight I would never have imagined my mind being able to handle further anguish, but all thoughts of the previous night vanished and I went to him at once. Fortunately, after some perilous moments, he pulled through, and again, I foolishly allowed myself to believe that things could only get better.’

She felt herself welling up again and reached out to clasp Nate’s arm, startling him. He returned her watery gaze, almost expectantly.

‘When Andrew came round, it soon became clear that he’d lost his memory, and I knew… I just knew we’d have to… we’d have to go through it all again.’

Sue worked a napkin delicately around her eyes and waited patiently for Nate to return from the toilet. At that moment she could have been in a parallel universe rather than amid the hustle and bustle of a lunchtime restaurant. The noise created by the other diners was completely obliterated by the gravity of her inner turmoil.

She was relieved to have finally shared her revelation and smiled weakly as Nate sat down in front of her.

‘So, let me get this straight,’ said Nate, squeezing his left hand with the right. ‘You’re telling me that Andy claims not to remember that you split up with him?’

‘No, not as such,’ she answered. ‘He just hasn’t mentioned anything about it. He has been acting as though things are as they’ve always been.’

‘So, he’s been going about as though nothing happened?’ he probed.

‘Yes, essentially.’

‘And you haven’t told him?’ he asked slowly.

‘No…’ she replied, her eyes falling from his face. ‘No, I haven’t.’

‘Don’t you think you should?’

‘That’s why I’ve come for advice,’ she said, looking at him again. ‘So you think I should tell him?’

‘Yes, of course,’ he said, the words almost falling over each other.

‘I don’t think it’s as simple as that…’ she began.

‘Yes it is, Sue, it really is.’

‘But Nate, you don’t know what he has been through, you haven’t seen him.’

‘I know, and I’m sorry, it’s not been possible, but look, surely it is only fair for him and for you that everything is out in the open?’

‘I’m just not sure he can handle it right now.’

‘Why not?’

‘His behaviour has been a little… erratic.’

‘Oh yes, the glass,’

‘It’s not funny Nate. It’s only been a few weeks; it’s obvious to me that he is still recovering.’

‘But what if he knows full well what happened?’

‘Are you suggesting that Andrew is making up the amnesia?’ she asked, sitting up straight.

‘No, no,’ he said raising his palms up. ‘It just seems a bit convenient that’s all.’

‘He almost died Nate or have you forgotten that?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘Well then, please appreciate how delicate things are for him at the moment.’

‘Sure.’

‘Good, thank you.’

The pair were silent for a few minutes as they both watched customers begin filtering out of the restaurant. Nate signalled for the bill.

‘But what about you, Sue?’ he asked. ‘Knowing that you left him, how can you continue to live as though you are still together?’

‘I… I don’t know,’ she replied quietly, sinking back into her chair. ‘It hasn’t been easy.’

‘Don’t you see? This isn’t just about him, it is about you too.’

‘But he needs me right now, Nate, what am I supposed to do?’

‘Tell him. The sooner he knows, the better it will be for you, and for him.’

‘I can’t, not yet, I’m worried about what might happen.’

‘He’ll be fine, Sue,’ encouraged Nate, as the waiter arrived.

‘No, I can’t, not yet,’ she said, collecting up her handbag.

‘Well, alright, whatever you feel you need to do.’

‘Thank you, Nate,’ she said.

‘Always remember that I’m there for you, for you both,’ he said, helping her on with her coat.

‘I know, and I am grateful for your support, and your advice,’ she said.

‘Which you chose to ignore,’ he said, dryly.

‘Not ignore, just delay,’ she answered. Sighing deeply, she smiled. ‘Thanks for listening, Nate, I feel much better now I know what my next step is. I’m going to help Andrew get his strength up and then I’m sure, in due course, the memories will come flooding back.’

‘And if they don’t?’

‘Then, when he is well enough, I’ll tell him.’

Nate pulled the collar of his suit jacket up and hunched down, tucking his chin into his chest. He stabbed his fists into his pockets and began the twenty-minute stroll back to Stewart and Sons, a small, family-run solicitor’s office where he plied his trade as their accountant.

It was an all too rare, clear and bright November afternoon. The sky was pastel blue and every now and then, faint wisps of candy-floss clouds floated by. Seagulls following the meandering Thames squawked as they fluttered around a tug boat gently making its way downstream, towing a surprisingly long barge loaded with red and yellow containers. The chugging of the engine echoed off the glass offices lining the river, before being lost to the road traffic, which had started up again on seeing green. The vehicles moved as one, lurching forward a hundred metres until they halted at the next set of lights like a flotilla of narrowboats navigating a series of lock gates.

Nate Woodward loved his life in London. He’d rented the same one bedroom flat for seven years now. He had never felt the need to move because it fitted the bill perfectly and was exactly all he required; no more, no less. For now.

The journey to work was a short ride away on his Yamaha XV950. He could walk it in thirty minutes but an expedition on foot was rare. He had everything he could possibly need: Playstation, flat screen TV with surround sound cinema system, a Slug and Lettuce practically next door. What else was there?

Of course that was easy; he knew very well what else there was.

He hadn’t been prepared for Sue’s revelations and he knew his reaction betrayed this fact. He just hoped she hadn’t noticed his moment of vulnerability. Surely her mind was too messed up with Andy’s shenanigans to have worked out that his second of weakness was more than simply failing to offer a suitably reassuring response? The news had overwhelmed him, rendering him speechless as the numerous implications flooded in. After everything he’d been through, after he’d seen all the careful preparation he’d laid down crumble away so disastrously in front of him, this turn in events, this incredible discovery, had brought him back in the game.

Nate had known Andy since their first day at St. Barnabas’s. As grammar schools in London suburbia went, it had been adequate. Looking back, their time there had generally been an enjoyable one. They had been in the same class from the start and took similar subjects all the way up until Sixth Form. Andy had always been more attuned to his feminine side, or so Nate thought, and had opted for English, History and French at A-level.

Nate hadn’t been sure if he truly enjoyed any of the subjects on offer to him but it didn’t matter because he had decided that the only thing he was certain of was that he wanted a job when he had finished with education, and to him, studying the arts was the surest way to achieving the complete opposite. So he had plumped for Mathematics, Economics, and Geography. Geography was more of an afterthought he’d freely admit.

They both achieved the A-level results they needed and when university beckoned, went their separate ways. Andy went off to study English Literature at Warwick and Nate went to Manchester to study Maths. They’d stayed in constant touch, visiting each other at odd weekends during term time and seeing each other back at home during the holidays.

It had been on Nate’s first trip to see Andy at Warwick in the early winter of the first year that he had met Sue. She’d just started dating Andy and was around constantly. It was strange to think, looking back, that he’d actually resented her omni-presence at first, not openly of course, but it did take some time to get used to.

Eventually Nate had grown to enjoy Sue’s company. She was attractive, funny and quick-witted. Her best moments had always come when debating subjects close to her heart, usually world literature or the politics of the day, down at the student bar. Andy would end up getting more heated by the second as his arguments were repeatedly cut down by Sue’s razor sharp counter strikes that often dripped with sarcasm. This had been made all the more amusing from Nate’s point of view as it was all delivered calmly in her wonderfully posh, ‘home-counties’ accent.

Continuing along the embankment, he briefly shook his head as he recalled his epiphany, the moment he realised that spending time with Andy had become an excuse to see Sue. He took a deep breath as the familiar crawling sense of nauseating pain writhing in his gut wrestled for his attention. He had become used to this constant companion, born by Andy’s involvement with Sue, carefully germinated by their blossoming courtship, and brought to maturity by their continuing relationship. For fourteen years he’d carried the burden of watching his best friend with her. But no longer. He’d already made the decision not to endure the unbearable daily torture anymore and here was the moment.

He couldn’t contain the exhilaration any longer and a cloud of hot breath puffed from his lips. The conversation he’d just had with Sue had stirred up all the sorts of feelings that he struggled daily to force from view. He couldn’t allow the giddiness to take control, there was more to do.

He’d always thought that Sue and Andy were inseparable, almost one being. They’d been together for so long that his worst fear had always been marriage and kids. This terror had forced him to wage a campaign on Andy’s mind. Until now, he had no idea that subtly planting seeds of doubt whenever he and Andy were alone, could be so successful. Could they really have split up by their own accord? He still couldn’t quite believe it.

They’d both seemed absolutely normal to him when he’d seen them. There was no sign at all of anything troubling them, and in hindsight, they’d done a sterling job of covering it up. OK, so they weren’t all over each other when in his company, but then they were never like that; something he was eternally grateful for.

But the news came from Sue herself. Why hadn’t he seen this coming? Why had he disregarded so out of hand the possibility of something like this happening?

If I had only known sooner.

And now Andy was using the incident with the bike as a method of feigning ignorance about Sue walking out on him. Whether Andy was really suffering selective memory loss or not was questionable but what was certain was that it was a nightmare situation for Sue, and he would be on hand to pick up the pieces. He knew that she must be going through hell but the potential implications were mind-blowing. As he walked through the glass doors of his office, he allowed himself a small smile as the once firmly-closed possibilities were being held ajar, and he felt very light on his feet.